More Steve Stuff

• Steve's Brush with the Secret Service: In 1992, George Bush surprised the tiny town of Faith, NC, by accepting their annual invitation to their Independence Day celebration. A paramedic allowed me to use an ambulance's cellular phone to answer a page. Well, I hadn't ever used a new-fangled phone like that and didn't want to break the handpiece by forcing it out of its cradle. Suddenly, a man in a polo shirt appeared and quietly asked if he could help me. I explained my unfamiliarity with the phone. He picked up the receiver and asked me what number I wanted to dial. After he handed me the phone, I never saw him again. Since then, I have embraced technology in an effort to avoid further encounters with Federal Authorities.

• Here is what "Steve Proctor" looks like in Japanese:

• Since I have this big Eric Clapton web page one would think my son Eric was named for Eric Clapton. But when he was born, I was not into music to the extent I am now. Instead, I named my son after a guy who composed glue instructions.

• Mr. Mojo Risin' Department: Exciting things that can be spelled with the letters of "Steve Proctor:"

• "You Might Be a Redneck" Department: I was introduced to Chinese food by Johnny Popwell, a member of the cast of "Deliverance." It's terrible to remember the phrase "Squeal like a pig" while eating sweet and sour pork!

In March of 1994, The Frosh Babies (named for a "Lost in Space" episode) debuted at the Rowan Regional Medical Center Star Search Talent Show. With an inspired version of Muddy Waters' Mannish Boy, we crushed the competition. Having achieved what we set out to do, loftier goals were considered. Instead, we just returned to the tedium of daily life. But things were never quite the same...

Front Row: Cliff "Mouth-Harp Mojo" McNeely, Steve "Squealin' Pig" Proctor, Ed "E. Coli" Dunlow Back Row: Shannon Schatten-Geist, Scott Stewart

• Steve - Powerful enough to bring a Who concert to a screeching halt! My brother and I thought it would be cool to raise the Union Jack at the 1975 Who concert in Greensboro. But where do you get a Union Jack in rural North Carolina? Of course, you make one with a sheet and spray paint! And you hoist it up with telescoping tent poles! Unfortunately, the paint did not show through on the other side. In honor of an obscure Keith Moon song, we wrote "Wasp Man" on the back with electrical tape. During the second song, up went the Union Jack. After the song, Roger politely asked us to lower it so the people in back could see. Pete acted disgusted. Before lowering the flag, we flipped it around. Keith Moon almost fell off his stool laughing! He pointed it out to Pete, who looked even more disgusted.

This man must be stopped! He is the evil Bob Eubanks, formerly of "Newlywed Game" fame and now finding new and clever ways to torment me. He has a tenuous relationship to my sister-in-law, but the aunt who knew the connection is now deceased. So I must live with the agony of uncertainty, hoping he is not a close relative of mine, but fearing that he might be.

Susan Olsen, who formerly played Cindy on the Brady Bunch, is my second cousin-in-law. When she had a baby, it was the first time I learned of a new in-law from a tabloid newspaper.

My uncle, Kansas City jazz pianist Pete Eye was recently interviewed by Mike Metheny (jazz musician and brother of Pat Metheny), for Kansas City Jazz Ambassador Magazine. Pete links me to Eric Clapton in the manner of the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game: I jammed with Pete during the 1995 Christmas season. Pete jammed with Pat Metheny during the 1996 Christmas season. Pat was on the "Stone Free" Jimi Hendrix tribute CD with and so is Eric Clapton. So how am I connected to Kevin Bacon?

• A Bible Verse with the "Steve" Theme: "And Stephen, full of faith and power, did great wonders and miracles among the people." Acts 6:8, KJV

• A Movie with the "Steve" Theme: Here's an audio clip of Lauren Bacall from "To Have and Have Not."

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